Taking the Time

I have been feeling a bit down lately...and I've been avoiding a post as a result of it.

I'm knitting. I'm participating in NaKniSweMo and I've brought out an old WIP from my basket to finish this month. I had only finished a few inches before I threw it into oblivion and I was certain it would be a long time before it ever found its way out. So, I'm pretty proud of myself for doing it so quickly. Although, the real reason is that I wanted to participate and I can't buy yarn.

That's because I suck.

I'm writing. I'm doing the seemingly suicidal mission of NaNoWriMo ((hence my inability to resist NaKniSweMo, which is a knitting spin off of the concept)). I need 50,000 words by the end of November 30th. I'm up to 9,130 words, which actually puts me ahead of schedule. I'm trying to keep it that way.

I've started a mystery project. It's my own pattern...I hope it works. I'm not sure if I will publish the pattern or not. That will depend on how much I like it and the feedback I get from the finished object. I'm also worried that it might not actually be original enough to publish. I dreamed it up last night and thought it was the coolest idea, but I wouldn't be surprised if, through some searching, I found something similar already written up into a pattern. Bah, this just shows that the only thing I truly got out of college is a lot of paranoia. The trouble with America is...

The trouble with me is that I'm afraid of life, in a sense, and I am starting to worry about money. I'm in a terrible rut and I see that I will be here for the next 30 years to come. At least that is how I feel. I'll be 24 this month...if that answers any questions. I know how people like to generalize things into age groups and developmental processes. They are right to do so, but I'm not sure it really helps any of us twenty-somethings to point that fact out to us. Yes, I'm whining, but I feel like I don't get to express these feelings very often. So many people have no idea...my life is a closed book, I've intentionally made it that way. Sorry, I don't know where this is coming from...it just wanted to be written, I guess.

No comments: