Dun, dun, DUN!!!!
I know it's silly, but part of me considers this half-a-stole to be a finished object. I'm ignoring the fact that I have to create another half just like this one. That's just inconceivable to me right now. In other words, I took a picture of my pretty half-a-stole and shoved it into the closet for an indefinite period of hibernation. I will finish it, but I want to work on something else... something more triangular in nature... something I'll be using this yarn for:
THE SWALLOWTAIL SHAWL!!!! So far, so good. I'm not sure about my needle size to yarn ratio as of yet. I'll knit a few more repeats and then decide where to take it from there. I think it is going quite nicely as it is.
Right this instant, I am sitting at Bread Co. (what is also called Panera everywhere but my place of origin. I insist on calling it Bread Co. because I am quite stubborn). I am supposed to be working on the great novel, but I'm having problems...which I am about to share with you. Aren't you excited??
By midnight of November 30th, I am supposed to have accumulated a minimum of 50,000 words on my novel. Now, that will not necessarily mean that the novel is finished, so to speak, but in order to "win," I must at least have that much. Today is the 27th and I have a total of 39,584 words. Now, there is no reason to panic upon simply reading these numbers and doing the appropriate subtraction. I am perfectly capable of pounding out the required 2,604 words a day for the next four days to reach my goal.
Usually...
Right now, however, I am struggling. I know exactly what I need to do. I have a very clear climax in mind as well as a nice little dreamed up plot leading up to it. So, why am I not able to just sit my butt in this chair and pound out the rest of my story, a story I love and have great hopes for in the future? I have a few theories.
One: I am doubting myself and my ability. For some reason, I do this all the time, with everything I do, no matter how great I know I am at the task at hand. I do it when I brush my teeth in the morning (maybe not really, but I do it quite a bit). I have reached the point in my story where things need to turn a bit more sinister. My character has to change...the entire mood of the story needs to shift away from the woe-is-me and more towards the oh-fuck-what's-going-on. Usually, I'm pretty good at the darkness, but something is holding me back from it this time. I think it is the filler. I am bored with their lives, but their lives are so valuable because of how regular they are. These people aren't necessarily special in any way, which is something I appreciate. I am normal. I am regular. There isn't much to me, which I think is a good thing. However, it's difficult to write it. I need to get the story rolling, but I'm having a bit of trouble getting it to the point where the writing just pours out of me. I need to reach the approaching threshold so that I can pull this off.
Two: I feel that this is the most important part of the book and I need to be careful in how I deal with it. I know that I can always edit it later, but I want to edit the thing NOT rewrite it entirely. I am bothered by the time limit and part of me wants to just forget about the 50,000 words and go about this in such a way that would make me more comfortable. Part of me wants to take my time with this and not just write to write. That being said, I need to get over it. If I can't write it now, what makes me think that I will be able to write it any better later on? It's fresh in my mind and I'm very excited about it. I don't want that excitement to go away because I'm trying to be an artist or something ridiculous like that. Still, each time I scold myself, I come back to these thoughts and have difficulty getting words on "paper."
So, there you have it. I have writer's block, but not really. It's a strange phenomenon.
Does anyone commiserate? Please, feel free to tell me your writing horror stories! lol :p
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